She

She is beautiful beyond compare. Walking on this earthly plane she lights the world around her as she goes, unaware of her affects, her power a latent potential simmering beneath the surface illuminates her body as she moves.

She smiles in meaningless greetings, gracing those who meet her with just a glimpse, offering a brief encounter with her radiance. When she speaks it’s with a purpose, her sentences become statements, her words the chosen ones, that get to fall from her lips.

Deftly her hands express and reveal, explain away and conceal as servants of her body, the agents of her mind. Her momentous presence cannot go unnoticed, for when she is here, I am always home.

The pleasure and the privilege, to know her and to love her, are mine and mine alone. Every day my resolution – to find a way to show her how, with every breath and every whisper, I love her more, and I love her true.

In this world I found my everything, and she is so much more than any dream. For she is real – my inspiration – and I will love and treasure her beyond all else, forevermore.

When you find love, and you recognise on all levels the beauty of the person who is before you, the deep resonance of their soul with yours – cherish them dear, for they are all.

 

copyright Paula L. Lutescu-Jones 2014

2012 – a year to remember!

Everyone tells you that ‘so much can change in a year’, but most years I’ve found it hard to believe it will be anything other than the usual ebb and flow of life. I few tweaks in lifestyle, a new job, maybe a holiday or handful of new experiences and people coming and going. 2012 was definitely different! I think it has been for many people – perhaps this was the ‘foretold’ progression of 2012. My life certainly changed, and in ways I had only ever dreamt of. I found happiness – and I don’t just mean ‘I’m happy’ smiley-face etcetera, I mean real JOY!! I found the love of my life, and so much more than that. 

At the beginning of 2012 I made myself all manner of promises. Please note they weren’t ‘new years resolutions’ – I find them futile since I end up wanting to rebel against my own newly enforced rule! Around February I declared independence. I decided to hand it all over to the greater universe, I wished one more time, held on to my dreams and just let the rest go. I mean really decided to let it go – I learnt that you lose nothing and gain everything in this process. I decided to trust with my whole heart and that what was meant for me would come to me, and I would not miss it.

No sooner had I found this sense of myself, centred and calm, everything that I had ever hoped for, dreamt of and wished for was standing right in front of me. Well, sitting actually – holding a pint of Guinness. I knew from that moment that my equal, my soul-mate, my love was right there before me. It felt as if an eternity of waiting disappeared into a moment, and was gone in a flash. Loving her comes so easily, and flows like the blood through my veins, revitalising me like the air in my lungs – continuous and ever stronger. I have counted my blessings every day since. I feel grateful and lucky, alive, vibrant and overflowing with love. I am complete in myself, free, and joyous. I want to do everything, go everywhere and share! Our journeys are still ours, unique and individual, but we no longer walk our paths in isolation. There’s a warm hand to hold, another to share our life’s journey with…and what a beautiful journey it is 🙂

Clouds

I was sat atop my lofty clouds looking out to see
the whole world moving to a beat, but not one made for me

I made a wish upon a star, and wondered what might be,
if someone came along one day who could sit with me and see

Through all the muggy mindlessness, the shamelessness and rage,
Would they see the world as I do, and live outside the cage?

Would they walk with me and hold my hand, but never tame my heart,
Would they let me grow and stay with me, and make our love their art?

While my mind was drifting far away, my eyes began to close,
The world became a shifting scene, focused where I chose

Then one cold eve when all was still, you came to sit and be,
full of thought and soft of voice you chattered next to me

I listened to your clarity, your insights and your dreams,
We shared our visions and our motives, and everything it seems!

The world is so much brighter, sat atop this cloud,
Knowing one more person, who isn’t in the crowd

I tried to tell you something, I whispered and I ran,
Scared you’d walk away from me, like people sometimes can

Now I listen extra hard, just in case you heard,
I wasn’t quite brave enough, but I meant every single word.

Live on the edge of reason

Live on the edge of reason

~ Love beyond your means

~ Move beyond your fears

~ Smile in the face of darkness

~ Cherish your memories

~ Dream for every day to come

~ Regret nothing

~ Make amends

~ Learn lessons

~ Be kind

~ Give your time

~ Take your time

~ Love your friends

~ Be thankful

~ Muster patience

~ Think twice

~ Free yourself

~ Get up every time you fall

~ Laugh every day

If this is the last day, make it the best day.

 

Falling

I fell from the heights of the heavens. Not because I came from there, but because you took me there. In your arms I stayed among the stars, swimming around the moon, and looked at the bright blue world below me feeling nothing but the serenity of your heartbeat in sync with mine. Safe in the clouds with you my wings felt the freshness of the night sky tickling my soul and calling me out. My eyes opened to the beauty in every moment, as if for the first time, and I was awake in dreams. You let me go, I looked back to you, and I fell. Faster and deeper, I felt my body leave my heart behind. My heart stays with you, for you gave it the wings to fly, while my body falls ever closer to the blue beneath my feet…and I wonder, in every fleeting moment, will you catch me?

≈            ≈             ≈           ≈

I think I’m composed. There’s a moment when I almost touch reality, and mocking seconds of clarity trespass across my daydreams. Then like a gulf inside my chest, I remember. I know where I want to be – my body pulls towards my heart – and I’m lost again in dreams. Trying to find the one where I’m awake. Where I can still feel you all around me, in that mist of sensory bliss, I’m just so glad to be with you, so happy that you’ve found me. In dreams I see you right in front of me, and we kiss. Unexpected, your photograph leaves me breathless. My heart skips and races, and the air whisked out from my lungs comes back to me with an ache. At once delighted and petrified. I realise the blue is still far below me, and I fall without restraint…

≈            ≈             ≈           ≈

Crash. Like bricks and mortar on an icy pavement. Your silences deafen me. There’s no-one around but me. I’m alone here. My thoughts churn into a whirlpool of questions increasing my confusion and rousing my mind to a symphony of non-answers. Leading me further down into the blue, I keep falling. I don’t look down. Its darker here, and the stars are drifting from view like clouds rolling over mountains. I look up, and see the distance you keep. Slipping further from my grasp, I hand my fate over to you. You’re the only one who knows where to find me, here in my private oubliette. I wait and hope…

≈            ≈             ≈           ≈

Amidst the intoxication, the constant swirling blues and flickering rainbow shadows, I float into precious memories. I cherish the warmth of the feelings. You’re so close I can almost touch you, and I sense the invisible red thread between us. I open my eyes, and before me is a hand that can be only yours. Only you would know where to look, and only you would care to find me. You lift me up, and I follow, my heart happily bound to yours basks in its divine belonging. Fates entwined as resonating souls in a world full of lamenting chaos. Holding each other close, your arms are my sanctuary, and I will gladly fall forever. As long as I am holding you, I need no world beneath my feet. I can fly on wings of passion, always knowing you are there…

Nietzsche…

‎”[I]n my thirty-sixth year of life I arrived at the lowest point of my vitality – I still lived, but without being able to see three paces in front of me. At that time – it was 1879 – I resigned my professorship at Basel, lived through the summer like a shadow in St. Moritz and the following winter, the most sunless of my life, as a shadow in Naumburg. This was my minimum: meanwhile, ‘The Wanderer and His Shadow’ came into existence. Doubtless, I knew about shadows in those days… In the following winter, my first winter in Genoa, that sweetening and spiritualization which is almost inseparable from an extreme poverty of blood and muscle, brought forth ‘The Dawn.’ The perfect brightness and cheerfulness, even exuberance of spirit, that is reflected in the said work, is in my case compatible not only with the most profound physiological weakness, but also with an excess of pain. In the midst of the torments brought on by an uninterrupted three-day headache accompanied by the laborious vomiting of phlegm, – I possessed a dialectician’s clarity par excellence, and in utter cold blood I then thought out things, for which when I am in better health I am not enough of a climber, not refined, not cold enough.”

Friedrich Nietzsche, Ecce Homo – How one becomes what one is, Why I am So Wise, 1888

…lost and found

I’m lost and found.

In a dream and wide awake.

Mighty strong and super soft.

On an adventure and in a rut.

Open hearted and full of ambition.

Scared and courageous.

Talkative and silently thinking.

Concentrating hard and drifting away.

I am all alone and at one with all.

I’m me, most of all, I’m me.

I wonder…

I can’t help but wonder, if the veil will one day lift,

The shadows will vanish from your gaze, revealing the chasmic-rift…

When the morning breaks the past it seems, is washed away with light,

But you’ll remember me in silences, as the moon promises the night…

In those moments of still reflection, will it ever become clear?

That all the time you were drifting away, one of us was still here…

Waiting patiently for time to heal, to hear you speak those words,

Listening hard and speaking soft, the lines of loving blurred…

So I can’t help but wonder now, if you will ever really know,

The depth and breadth and height of love, and the flower into which it grows…

To love is to have an open heart, and courage by the pound,

For only love can set the spirit free, whilst keeping feet upon the ground.

Move softly…

Move softly…and be gentle with life.

It’s complex, fragile, precious and divine.

So are you.

Like the caress of raindrops upon the raging seas, and leaves falling gracefully on brisk autumnal eves,

Like the sun that lights the sky in spring, to coax the growing buds, and turns the grass the richest-green to replenish the cattle cuds,

When all around you is thorns and stings, remember this one thing…

Be gentle with yourself…and move softly.

 

 

© Paula Jones 2011. All rights reserved.